Thank You

Podcast #5: Talk Therapy

In this podcast, I discuss three different kinds of talk therapy: individual, group, and in-patient. I weigh the pros and cons of each, why it did or did not work for me, and the major benefit I gained. In addition, I briefly describe ways to find a therapist. 

Please check back tomorrow, April 10th, for a brief video message from me. For now, follow me on Twitter @TalksBlog

4 Things You Wish Your Friends Knew About Mental Illness

In my previous posts, I have given tips that are focused on dealing with mental illness. However, I feel it is time to acknowledge or validate the thoughts we have when it comes to our friends. From the beginning, I have been lucky enough to have a close friend who understood enough about mental illness to be a solid support system. Still, there were times he struggled to understand what I needed or wanted from him. This was because there is no handbook that outlines what to do when your friend is in a deep depression. The following are four statements I want my friends (past, present, or future) to know.

Silence is necessary at times

One of the hardest things to understand, even for me, is that sometimes, the silence needs to be embraced. When I am feeling down in the dumps or anxious, I do not always want to talk about the trigger. At the same time, I do not want to be alone either. I want a friend to be there next to me. My best friend and I are known to listen to a song, feel it touch an emotion, and then we sit there in our own thoughts. This is the type of scene I picture when I say that the silence needs to be embraced. Eventually, we talk about it, or we at least acknowledge that we felt a flood of emotions. But, in that moment, we take comfort in each other’s company and deal with our emotions separately.

I am still me

This is the most important one for me. When I was in my deepest depression, I felt like a burden to my friends. I thought they treated me differently than before. I attribute this to my erratic behavior. I struggled to be the fun and sarcastic person they had connected with. I was a ghost of myself. But, deep down, I was still me, albeit a different version of me. I had no idea how long it would take to return to my old self, and for a while, I feared it would never happen. It might have been wishful thinking, but now, I can say that I am the closest I have ever been. Those closest to me often comment on how great it is to see the old me shine through again. This sums up this point the best because I was never gone, just buried in darkness, waiting to shine through again.

I have bad days (so does everyone)

What I want my friends to remember is, we all have bad days. My bad days might be worse than some people’s. Or, I might acknowledge my bad days more often than others, but I am still human. These days are exhausting for me, and I am sorry that they exhaust you too. Please keep in mind that the day will pass soon enough. When I have a bad day, I need you to be there for me, even if it is to embrace the silence. I promise to not be as needy in the days or weeks after. At that moment though, I need a friend. For those of us that do not acknowledge our bad days to those closest to us, it is not due to a lack of hurting. Just because I speak up about it, does not make me any different than anyone else.

Not all advice is good advice

Throughout the course of the last 8 weeks, I have spoken at length about how not all treatment plans work the same for everyone. This is why not all advice, while given with good intentions, is good advice. In the last decade, I have received advice that did nothing for me. Listen to this one song, it will make you laugh. Well, I do not like rap music, so it will probably annoy me. Think about something happy. I have. A lot. I am not trying to dwell on the negative. My mind is stuck there and I am struggling to escape it. I want my friends to understand that I appreciate their willingness to help and I am beyond thankful for it. However, in the same way that treatment plans are catered to the individual, informal advice works in a similar fashion. That rap song might have cheered you up, but my disdain for rap will hinder my enjoyment. I am not saying that advice should never be given, but it should be given with the receiver in mind.

It is important to note that our friends and family are doing the best they can to help and support us. That does not mean we cannot get frustrated with them. I sure have. In that time of frustration, please keep in mind that they are as lost as we are. There is no guide for dealing with depression, for the sufferer or those around them. I do hope that these four statements help to provide guidance to the friends and family members who know someone struggling. 

Please check back next THURSDAY (not Friday) for my fifth and final podcast where I will discuss my personal experience with an assortment of different talk therapy methods. Next Friday, I will post one final surprise. Please follow me on Twitter at @TalksBlog

Podcast #4: Medication Therapy

In this podcast, I discuss the topic of medication therapy. I describe how the process can often be long and frustrating. To combat that, I offer up advice based on my own experience, including the importance of speaking up and even using a mood chart. 

Please check back next Friday for the fifth, and final, blog post. Don't worry though, there will still be one more podcast after that! 

As always, please follow me on Twitter at:  @TalksBlog

Remain Calm: We'll Get Through This

Considering the current situation around the world, I thought this would be a good time to talk about how I am handling the unprecedented changes in society. By doing so, I hope to provide you with a few tools or ideas of how to make the current situation a little more manageable.

As of today, my classes have all moved online, the building I work at has shut down (also the location of my fitness center), restaurants are carryout/drive thru only, and I cannot find toilet paper anywhere. Needless to say, I am officially stir crazy. My body and mind is telling me I need to go do things, but I have nowhere to go. My mom is in the high risk category and my dad is dealing with the madness at the retail store he works at. That has left me to go get groceries, pick up prescriptions, and above all, do the best I can to not bring the virus home with me. It is stressful to say the least.

The activity that has helped me most is walking. I live in a subdivision, so it is easy to go walk around the path by the small lake or around the block without coming into contact with people. As I mentioned in my first podcast, the reason I love my fitness center so much is because of the indoor walking track it features. Taking a walk around my subdivision is not only breaking up the monotony of being stuck inside, but it will prevent me from losing the endurance I have built up and from gaining weight, because let’s face it, it is easy to snack all day when stuck inside. Also, walking outside is a good excuse to get fresh air.

Second, I have watched a lot of Netflix and Hulu the past few days. Entertainment is a great way to immerse yourself in something other than the frustrating reality you might face. For me, I have been sticking to comedies or movies I have been eager to watch. For example, I finally watched GoodFellas on a platform other than cable. Let me say, uncensored GoodFellas is even better than the censored cable version, and I already claimed it to be my favorite mob movie. Distraction is a tool worth using, but try to find distractions that will make you laugh or put your mind at ease. This is not the time to watch a tearjerker. On a side note, as more and more libraries are closing, check out the e-book apps they offer. I know with mine, I input my library card into Overdrive, Hoopla, and Axis 360, and I have access to all the e-books that the library has paid for at no additional cost.

Finally, and I think this is the most important one in terms of mental health, try not to check the news every ten minutes. I am guilty of this and I regret it each time I do it. If you receive news notifications on your phone, turn them off. In a situation like this, you will receive a notification every half an hour and that is a recipe for a mental health disaster. What I have been doing is limiting myself to 10 minutes of news every 4 to 6 hours. I will check a national news website I trust and one local news website. This way, I still have an understanding of what is happening across the country and in my region, but I am not bombarded with notifications all day. I made this mistake over the weekend and by Sunday afternoon, I was an anxious mess.

In a time of unprecedented restrictions and closures, it is important to remember that your mental health is still important. However, it may be a struggle to remain relaxed and stable. That is where coming up with a plan to combat these new stressors come into play. Put some time into it. Think about options for exercise, entertainment, and talking with friends or family (phone calls, video chats). At the current rate, this could be the new normal for the next month or two, so it is better to come up with an action plan now than to let yourself slip into a depressive state. I wish everyone the best of luck in this trying time and I hope this post eases your mind.

Please check back next Friday for my 4th podcast. Until then, do not forget to follow me on Twitter: @TalksBlog

Disclosing a Mental Illness

This week’s topic is about disclosing mental illness. First, I think it is important to understand that those closest to you can see that there is a difference in your behavior. They might not understand what is causing it or even mention it. This is not them passing judgement but rather them being concerned. When I told my closest friend who I have known since middle school, he told me he had suspected it for some time. Since he went through a similar thing with his sister, he recognized the signs and was concerned. At the same time, he did not not want to intrude on my privacy, so he remained quiet. This is a common thing when it comes to family or close friends. Often, they are waiting for you to open up to them. The more people I have opened to in my life about my situation, the more I understood that the way my friend felt was a common response.

When it comes down to deciding whether to disclose your situation, there are several questions to ask and the following are the two most common that came up in my experience.

Can I trust this person?

There is often a family member or friend that you are close to, but worry about them spreading information that is not meant to be shared. If this is the case, it is safer to either choose not to tell them or to be vague. I have a few people in my life that fall into this category. After about a year of hiding my mental illness from them, I decided to let them in, but did so in a vague manner. I generalized my issues as depression and anxiety because those can be used as a blanket term for mental illness. It gave me a way to acknowledge my noticeably different behavior, but let me keep my privacy, too. If this response still feels like too much information, saying, “I’m working through some things but I’m improving,” works, too. Again, it acknowledges there is a problem, but keeps it private.

How will they respond?

As I mentioned earlier, the response is often better than expected. For me, telling my closest friends and family members lifted a weight off of my shoulders. They knew I was struggling and I knew they saw that. However, we both pretended to ignore it in an attempt to move forward like usual. This caused additional stress for me, which only amplified the anxiety I dealt with. Now, if you recall in my first post, I brought up not relying on your friends to be a 24/7 therapist. Please remember this when you disclose to them because this is a mistake I made. I assumed that by telling them, they were going to be there all the time, ready to help. That expectation was not fair to them or me. An article on the NAMI website brings up the idea that if you receive the same “vibes” from the person after the disclosure that you did before, there is good reason to believe that nothing has changed in the relationship. Going off of that, I want to add that it is entirely possible that person might not react in a positive way. They may distance themselves or avoid you. This happened with many of my friends. In hindsight, it was no one’s fault, it just happened. 

In all, I want to stress that this is not an exact science. My experience may differ from others. Please think about the questions mentioned in this post, the goals of disclosing, and how the person might respond when considering whether or not to tell those around you. In addition, here is another article from the NAMI website on this topic. Between my post and the two articles I have linked, I hope you can find the information needed to help you on this path.

Please check out the podcast discussing the impact my mental illness has on relationships that was posted today. Next Friday, I’ll be back with another blog post.

Follow on Twitter @TalksBlog

Podcast #3: Mental Illness and Relationships

In this podcast, I talk about the impact mental illness can have on relationships.

Segment 1: Romantic Relationships
Segment 2: Platonic Friendships
Segment 3: Family Relationships

Please check out the blog also posted today covering the disclosure of mental illness. Please check back next Friday for a brand new blog post.

Follow on Twitter @TalksBlog