4 Things You Wish Your Friends Knew About Mental Illness

In my previous posts, I have given tips that are focused on dealing with mental illness. However, I feel it is time to acknowledge or validate the thoughts we have when it comes to our friends. From the beginning, I have been lucky enough to have a close friend who understood enough about mental illness to be a solid support system. Still, there were times he struggled to understand what I needed or wanted from him. This was because there is no handbook that outlines what to do when your friend is in a deep depression. The following are four statements I want my friends (past, present, or future) to know.

Silence is necessary at times

One of the hardest things to understand, even for me, is that sometimes, the silence needs to be embraced. When I am feeling down in the dumps or anxious, I do not always want to talk about the trigger. At the same time, I do not want to be alone either. I want a friend to be there next to me. My best friend and I are known to listen to a song, feel it touch an emotion, and then we sit there in our own thoughts. This is the type of scene I picture when I say that the silence needs to be embraced. Eventually, we talk about it, or we at least acknowledge that we felt a flood of emotions. But, in that moment, we take comfort in each other’s company and deal with our emotions separately.

I am still me

This is the most important one for me. When I was in my deepest depression, I felt like a burden to my friends. I thought they treated me differently than before. I attribute this to my erratic behavior. I struggled to be the fun and sarcastic person they had connected with. I was a ghost of myself. But, deep down, I was still me, albeit a different version of me. I had no idea how long it would take to return to my old self, and for a while, I feared it would never happen. It might have been wishful thinking, but now, I can say that I am the closest I have ever been. Those closest to me often comment on how great it is to see the old me shine through again. This sums up this point the best because I was never gone, just buried in darkness, waiting to shine through again.

I have bad days (so does everyone)

What I want my friends to remember is, we all have bad days. My bad days might be worse than some people’s. Or, I might acknowledge my bad days more often than others, but I am still human. These days are exhausting for me, and I am sorry that they exhaust you too. Please keep in mind that the day will pass soon enough. When I have a bad day, I need you to be there for me, even if it is to embrace the silence. I promise to not be as needy in the days or weeks after. At that moment though, I need a friend. For those of us that do not acknowledge our bad days to those closest to us, it is not due to a lack of hurting. Just because I speak up about it, does not make me any different than anyone else.

Not all advice is good advice

Throughout the course of the last 8 weeks, I have spoken at length about how not all treatment plans work the same for everyone. This is why not all advice, while given with good intentions, is good advice. In the last decade, I have received advice that did nothing for me. Listen to this one song, it will make you laugh. Well, I do not like rap music, so it will probably annoy me. Think about something happy. I have. A lot. I am not trying to dwell on the negative. My mind is stuck there and I am struggling to escape it. I want my friends to understand that I appreciate their willingness to help and I am beyond thankful for it. However, in the same way that treatment plans are catered to the individual, informal advice works in a similar fashion. That rap song might have cheered you up, but my disdain for rap will hinder my enjoyment. I am not saying that advice should never be given, but it should be given with the receiver in mind.

It is important to note that our friends and family are doing the best they can to help and support us. That does not mean we cannot get frustrated with them. I sure have. In that time of frustration, please keep in mind that they are as lost as we are. There is no guide for dealing with depression, for the sufferer or those around them. I do hope that these four statements help to provide guidance to the friends and family members who know someone struggling. 

Please check back next THURSDAY (not Friday) for my fifth and final podcast where I will discuss my personal experience with an assortment of different talk therapy methods. Next Friday, I will post one final surprise. Please follow me on Twitter at @TalksBlog